Right right left right

Salut Ca Va ?

Each time I go into the city of tunis I am offered to be met by a resident. Much appreciated but doesn’t provide much opportunity to explore the place and learn it. Yesterday I made an effort to not tell anyone id be in tunis to give me a chance to learn the place.

Now, you would think that it is not so easy to get lost in the middle of a city. Not lost as in im not sure where my hotel is, and I don’t want to stop and ask someone. I mean im lost and I am probably going to die before finding out where I am supposed to be. Well au contraire my friend. I’m sure there are some alleys in this place that contain a gate guarded by elves and lions and on the other side is a giant blackhole.

This city is a jungle. I had started to notice the trend, that the narrower the alleys, the less likely I had a clue where I was. This is why I became somewhat concerned yesterday when I found myself turning side ways because my shoulders wouldn’t fit the wide way. That was only half the instability. The other half was in the forty year old man guiding me either out of, or into, the core of this jungle.

“yeah it just up here a ways” he says, followed by a slurred tu fume?

“non, je ne fume pas, Merci “I said

“Not tobacco“he laughs “ vous avez cette dans Canada, oui?” and he turns around to me and unrolls his hand to expose a joint. I was having a hard enough time finding up as it was.

I have always found there is something exciting about only vaguely having a clue where you are. Hopefully in most circumstances, you can retrace your footsteps. And hopefully you turned around and noted your path enough times that you can make your way back. But as you get bolder and bolder and go farther and father from your comfort zone its quite easy to mix things up. Was it the right or left of this fruit stand that I left the alley? Was it the green line 4 subway or the yellow line 7. Did he say go right right left or right right right left.

There are no hard fast rules for going on an inner city adventure or outer for that matter. Just don’t day dream, be observant not in awe. And don’t start thinking of what your mother would think if she knew you were following a taxi driver through china town in Malaysia bartering for a rolex that only loses a second every two seconds. Thinking of what she would say, will just make you laugh rebelliously and you’ll forget to take note of the signs, streets, hydrants, goats tied to signs etc. etc. etc.

I believe that I could have at any time retraced my steps and found the train station or another landmark I was famliliar with, but I was certainly on the cusp of not being able to. In fact I had decided I would turn this last corner and if nothing was clear I would turn back. Well low and behold, down the alley was a restaurant I had visited once before last week. Unfortunately I was with people who lived here and I didn’t notice which alley we came in from, although I was certain it was not the one I used now. There are three alleys, approaching the restaurant. I was on one, and one of the other two I knew led to emines. Basically 50% chance of success ( not considering I wasn’t so confident I could go back the way I came successfully. I tried the right, it seemed more familiar. When I came to a T, and saw no light at the end of either way I turned around and decided to try the third of the three allies.

On the way out, the same gentleman who had tried to trade me his euros for some dinars on the way in, nodded ( I think it was a nod to say, youp you don’t have a clue and im going to get those dinars for these euros and then ill let you out of here). I nodded and continued on. Upon reaching the restaurant I went sharp left into the final alley.

Seeing a sign I had recognised the night before, I felt some hope. I might actually make it home before dark I thought. Bread for the lions tonight.

Spoke to soon. The alleys are getting narrower and nothing is looking familiar. Maybe around this next turn….
Well there was something familiar, unfortunately it was the banker with the Euros.

“Vouz avez un carte? “ il m’demande

If i had a map worth a shit I probably wouldn’t be here I said in my head sarcastically. But I humoured him and pulled out the lonely planet. After pretending to understand the index he decided it was best he’d just walk me out to the main drag.

This is smart I said. Im ten feet from the last place from which, I have any hope of finding familiarity and I’m following this gentleman who ive known for all of 65 seconds. Screw it I thought. Chances are im screwed if I do and im screwed if I don’t so I may as well have some faith in my new friend.

IT was about this time when he offered me the narcotics. The fine for which is undoubtedly punishable by worse than the Canadian reprimand of a $500 fine.

After I refused his marajauna and his euros one more time he left me with the wise advice of “ go straight until you hit the market, at the market go right, then right, then left…or was it right right left.

The clarity of his advice ill never know. I reached the market and after a pair of shoes caught my eye I went right……low and behold. Is that the fountain I saw this morning….. and the vendor I bought the banana from? Can it be ?

Oh merci me it is
It is

Thank you european banker

Thank you familiar restaurant

Thank you banana vendor and thank you pair of shoes.

As the storey goes, I did make it out and back home well before dark. After reaching familiarity I stopped and leaned against a wall and had a laugh before texting a friend to describe the severity of the confusion I had just experienced.

I would like to say ill be smarter the next time. But chances are the next time I get the chance Ill take that one last turn one last time just to make sure I have no idea where I’m going.

All the best

Luke

P:s:

Thanks to Kaela and Amene for offering to do some laundry after reading my last blog. It wasn’t the intent but none the less it was much appreciated. Oh and kaela, I think I got some spaghetti on the right collar if you want to work on that. I am told that peroxide will help

your email answered in a very large large nutshell (nutshell ha, thats where my brain is stored) ... who tries to put a joke in a title anyway

Below you will find an email I received today from an anonymous source. Chances are if there was no such thing as a blog I wouldn’t answer this. But since more than one person will…. Scratch that. Lore than one person “might” reqd this/ its worth the effort/


You said just cause you are on the Med doesn't mean you want to go in the ocean.
What's the ocean like?

The ocean looks very nice, and in front of my hotel it is very clean. I don’t think that locals or non paying guests are allowed to go there. However, on a previous adventure I explored a large portion of the beach and learned that there is a large storm/ sewer drain which drains into the beach about 500m from the hotel. I doubt it would meet current effluent regulations set by the Nova Scotia Department of Environment.

Is it dirty like post-tsunami India?

No, theres a lot les garbage, and theres no large piles of rubble like whole houses bulldowed up like there was in India. Also there is no four pieces of debris every three steps like there was in India. Also less dog feces… at least I think there was. However now that I think about it, I did explore it in the dark and my hotel room did stink that night.

Do bums hang out at the beach?

No bums that I saw on the beach. There are cats on the sidewalk beside the beach and there are dogs on the beach. I saw people fishing one night. They had their rods sticking into the sand sticking straight up like a flagpole. They had buckets full of fish beside them so it appears they were catching something. But im sure there was a social element too.

Are there bums?

My first day out exploring Hammam Lif was pretty interesting. I had been here a week and I was feeling adventurous. I interpreted my journey thus far as successful and at one point, while walking back to work, I said in my head. Man this is a great place, I love life!.

The words were barely out of my mouth and about 100m in front of me, a man was lying on the ground. It was a fairly busy street and beside the train so I don’t suppose he was just enjoying the sun. He was laying on his left side with his elbow on the ground, and his face resting on his hand as if he were reading a book or watching his children play on the beach. However he had his a foot from the curb and his face three feet from the business in front of him. He looked no different than what I imagine the average new york homeless person looks like. Although the image that is stored in my brain under the file of new york bums has pictures of men with white or black complexion where as this gentleman was more of a Tunisian gold brown.

On the inside of his left leg; the one that was exposed to the sky, his pants were ripped starting at below his crotch to above his ankle. Thus exposing a large portion of his leg but leaving the pants from coming detached. As I was on cloud nine, and enjoying the place his presence surprised me. However I believe he was equally surprised to see me as when he did notice me he writhed or wriggled closer to the building farther from the curb all the while with his left check held up by his left hand.

Although we were both surprised im not sure who was in the wrong, him for resting in a walkway, or me for carrying on thinking if life is good for me then this world is great. In retrospect it is not so true. I wanted to give him money, but thought I would offend him. And would a few dinars really help whatever was causing him to lay here.

So in short, yes there are bums. To my knowledge ive never been asked for money. The majority of bums ive seen since this gentleman are missing limbs. The homeless will often sit in the middle of markets. The loud and aggressive vendor next to him will have tables full of everything under the sun, whereas the homeless man, limbed or unlimbed, will sit there on plywood with a few meagre sometimes new sometimes used items such as garbage bags, electric tape, old shoes tools and other such oddities.

Do cows hang out on the beach?

Ive never seen a cow at the beach. Ive seen a goat tied up to a road sign in the middle of the city with no owner around. I had a little laugh. So did the Tunisian with me but I think he was laughing at me more than the goat. Like the homeless man, im not sure if the goat was right to be there or I was right to laugh.

It is not uncommon at all to walk four blocks and see three cows heads hanging at eye level in front of a b utcher. Tongues have turned white and are hanging out of their heads. I very near walked into one while talking on the phone. I think if I get a face full of cow I will lose my mind. Especially if I walk into the back of it and it gets stuck on my face like a cartoon or something. Its bad enough trying to keep my friends from llaughing with my French let alone if I always had a cows head on. Plus imagine the job cleaning your ears? Youd need a mop for each ear.

What are the markets like?

The whole country is a market as far as I know/ Like India. Stores selling gum pop water juice bars phone cards etc. every 50m. coming to these places explains why so often you see convenience stores in Canada run by foreign individuals. That may be a stereotype and I apologise if it is untrue, but I think it would be hard to argue that often in cities in Canada convenience stores are ran by individuals who were not born in Canada. I think it is in the blood. Most people here who have a house will but a store on the front it seems or maybe they,re renting but most often street front is commercial not residential but theres large houses in behind.

The official markets are called sooks. An old Arabic word im told. Theres everything from the aforementioned cows head to pretty spectacular fruit displays where at one thirty foot stretch of frontage you can see the surface of hundreds of oranges apples bananas pears and alike. They are stacked only one layer deep so you can see so many colors and they will start on the ground and rise progressively away from the road making an entire sloped wall of citrus colors. Ive taken some pictures quite stunning and I cant imagine taking it down each night.

The markets are either held in regular st reets where everyone says okay were going to have markets here on this street every day. At days end they all pack up theirs remnants of everything left there.

I visited a sook in Souss it was feet away from the 1000 year old walls mentioned in the last blog. All the shops face into this narrow ten foot wide alley and the roof is usually covered with apartments but occasionally it will break open and you can look up for several stories and see the sky at the top but the sides are all buildings. Tehres everything from people making jeweery at little tables to entire rooms filled with spices. You will also find knock offs for everything under the son from celine dion cds to rolex to ipod to puma. People yell to get attention. Its more like the India markets with this whole “please sir come into my shop”. But I think everyone gets that even the locals. No doubt im a little more popular being quite apparently a foreigner.

Do you bargain?

I wanted a new cover for the phone. There was one for 4 dinars. I offered the guy 2/ he said no and I left. The taxis are metered cars not rickshaws so theres no bartering. I walked into a classy clothing store today and I asked how much and the guy said quatre veingt but for you I will give you good price. I haven’t bought anything large, but when I do you can bet I will be bargaining or walking away. The buyer is the demand the seller is the supply in this country

What has be the scariest situation you've been in?

Read the last blog

Do you like going to the office?

Its in the morning so its you know so so. I don’t bound up the stairs. Or anything (all nine flights ). Its good in the morning. And if I can do the work than its okay time goes bye and I don’t notice. However, the work is ridiculously hard. Over my head that is. And all I have is French text boks. So it gets a little hard and im just stalled trying to figure out the origin of this number or this variable. Then I watch the clock like crazy. I started coming early for work but I was always the fist one there. Everyone Is always late and I would end up sitting on the stairs like john plum with his thumb in a pie. So I started showing up late. However do to the problems with how hard it was I couldn’t wait to get out. At six I would hope noone would see me and sneak out and I run down the stairs like a little kid, as I reach each landing and turning rright I would reach out and put my right hand on the right railing so I could swing around turns faster. All the while left hand on the cell phone preparing the evening.


Do you have some personal space there?

First day I walked in there are five offices lunch room and a washroom. I am introduced to everyone except one. I walk into the last office with my boss Ridha. He says this is lotfi and points to a 22 year old engineer tall thin long hair, later I learn to be somewhat timid. And after introducing us and we shake hands, the boss goes… LOTFI and speaks aggressively in Arabic. Lotfi packs up his shit in a hurry and goes into the other office. Ridha then looks at me and says cette et ton bureau ( this is your office) and smiles.

Its been my office every since.

Work environlent is good. Two guys;+ the boss Ridha and me. There are also three girls who are always giggling. Yesterday we had delicious cheese cake chocolatey as anything with juice. Im not sure why but I think it was because of a cyclone in guadelope one year ago today. The tornado struck near to one of the structures ridha designed and it didn’t fall down wheras other ones did. Therefore we had cake. I didn’t care. It was good, and it broke up the searching for the theta variable in the French text book.

My boss is pretty nice. Hes stern but gives complements when they’re due…..i think theyre compliments He also doesn’t hold back on giving me use of the phone for international and has paid for my hotel for almost two weeks now. Takes me for lunch etc. He seems to be genuinely interested in my well being. He often asks, if my mother is pleased with the treatment I am getting.

How's the dino-computer working?

Never had to use it. The French excel on my computer is becoming more bareable, but looking forward to getting my mp”3 player so I can put on my headphones when people are blaring celine dion or ridha is yelling LOTFI

What do you usually eat for breakie?

When I am with frinds I look forward to walking out to the kitchen or nearest shop and buying a pain du chocolate which is basically a muffin with chocolate in the middle but everyone else eats them so its okay. Also we heat up milk and pour in this sugar wannabe. Also fruit is common.

For the last two weeks ive been getting complimentary breakfast at the hotel
Juice made with sea water
Yogurt
Half a French bread usually stale
Some sort of lemon cake
Croissant
Glass of milk
And coffee or tee
I usally take half the bread with me to work.
I usually eat breakfast in bed, in the tub, or staring out the window. That or watching French morning shows.

How do you wash your clothes?

I have been here now for 11 days. I have three pairs of pants. I wore my blue ones twice but theyre good so im saving htem. i have worn the same green ones every day other than that. Its okay though, everyone wears clothes 2, 3, 5 days in a row. Even my boss who certainly would have no difficulty in having someone wash his clothes (LOTFI would if noone else would im sure.) I try and change my undershirt and underwear at least every three days. ( sorry im not joking).
I have no way to do laundry since im staying in hotel. A week ago I bought a new t shirt it was great…. Im still wearing it. Ly big school bag has been in tunis without me for a week ro two so I cant change my supplies. I have with me two t shirts 2 underwear and 2socks and 2 dress shirts with me. I got exactly half of that cleaned at the hotel two days ago but wont wear them until I really mess up the ones im wearing.

You do wash your clothes, right???!
Please see above


Warning
If anyone read this whole random babbling, you have obviously have way more important thigns to be doing. Stop procrastinating and take hold of your life. You are ion control. If you actually read to the bottom, youre struggling for something better to do. Reading this wont do your assignment. It wont do your laundry. It wont break up with your significant other and it wont drink that bottle of scotch on the table with your name on it. Turn off the computer and go utilize the potential life you have inside of you. Meanwhile ill probably write a ten pager again tomorrow.

Cheers
Luke

Ps. Emails with questions seem to make effective subjects. The only person to contest that would be you but obviously youre still reading